The Will

I was out running yesterday.  The same run I had just done 2 days early with very little problems and I was dying.  I was doing all kinds of emotional pep talking and these words just started flowing, so I sat down and wrote them down. 

I'd like to think I am in the best shape of my life at almost 39.  I couldn't run 6
miles like I do now, I couldn't do 60 'boy' pushups in 2 mins like I did last
week.  But the aches and pains are worse.  My knee, my feet, my arm, my
shoulder, uuugghhhh.  But the WILL is stronger.  The heart aches are bigger,
hips wider, stretch marks longer, but the Will is stronger!  The knowledge, the paths
crossed, the burdens carried, this is what allows me to go on and be the best I
can be,  to never give up, to keep on keeping on.   A trainer once told me
,"christy, you are stronger than you think.". Oh how that has come true in the
past 4 years.  I learned to run: did a few 5K races (I lost but I ran), I learned how to swim: did an aquathon, and a triathlon, moved half way around the world: learned a new language, and the hardest thing of all, the one thing that truly showed me the inner strength I did not know I had was losing my
dear sweet mom.  I kept hearing over again as I begged and pleaded for her to be
spared, "not my will, but thine be done". Is it MY will that is so strong, that
allows me to climb that mountain? Or is it Thine.  I tend to think I dont give
my Heavenly Father enough credit for my accomplishments and tend to blame Him
for all my faults.  Without Him, what would I be?  Who would I be?  Definitely
not who I am today.   The people who have inspired me, the trials I have
overcome, the burdens I have born, are nothing compared to what my brother and
Savior did for me.  My Heavenly Father loves me!  He loves me so much that while
I take personal credit for all my accomplishments He smiles and when I complain
about all the bad things He has allowed to happen to me He smiles.  For only HE
knows my true potential and only He knows the plan.   Not my WILL but His will
be done!